These Phrases shared by My Dad That Helped Me when I became a New Father

"I believe I was merely in survival mode for the first year."

Former Made In Chelsea cast member Ryan Libbey expected to handle the challenges of fatherhood.

But the reality soon became "completely different" to what he'd imagined.

Serious health problems around the birth caused his partner Louise admitted to hospital. Abruptly he was forced into acting as her primary caregiver as well as caring for their infant son Leo.

"I was doing every night time, each diaper… each outing. The job of both parents," Ryan shared.

Following 11 months he burnt out. That was when a talk with his father, on a park bench, that helped him see he needed help.

The straightforward words "You aren't in a healthy space. You require some help. What can I do to support you?" paved the way for Ryan to talk openly, seek support and regain his footing.

His experience is far from unique, but infrequently talked about. While people is now more accustomed to discussing the strain on mums and about post-natal depression, less is said about the struggles new fathers face.

Asking for help is not weak to ask for help

Ryan believes his difficulties are linked to a wider inability to talk amongst men, who continue to hold onto harmful ideas of what it means to be a man.

Men, he says, often feel they must be "the rock that just takes the pounding and remains standing time and again."

"It's not a display of being weak to ask for help. I failed to do that quick enough," he clarifies.

Mental health expert Dr Jill Domoney, a expert who studies mental health pre and post childbirth, explains men often don't want to accept they're having a hard time.

They can feel they are "not justified to be seeking help" - particularly ahead of a mum and baby - but she highlights their mental health is vitally important to the family.

Ryan's chat with his dad provided him with the opportunity to take a respite - going on a couple of days away, away from the family home, to gain perspective.

He understood he required a adjustment to pay attention to his and his partner's emotional states in addition to the practical tasks of taking care of a new baby.

When he was honest with Louise, he saw he'd failed to notice "what she was yearning" -reassuring touch and listening to her.

'Parenting yourself

That epiphany has reshaped how Ryan views fatherhood.

He's now writing Leo weekly letters about his feelings as a dad, which he wishes his son will see as he grows up.

Ryan hopes these will help his son better understand the expression of emotional life and interpret his decisions as a father.

The concept of "reparenting" is something rapper and songwriter Professor Green - whose name is Stephen Manderson - has also felt keenly since having his son Slimane, who is now four.

As a child Stephen did not have stable male parenting. Even with having an "incredible" connection with his dad, deep-held emotional pain meant his father struggled to cope and was "in and out" of his life, affecting their relationship.

Stephen says repressing emotions caused him to make "bad actions" when younger to alter how he was feeling, turning in drink and drugs as a way out from the hurt.

"You gravitate to things that don't help," he notes. "They may briefly alter how you feel, but they will in the end cause more harm."

Tips for Getting By as a New Father

• Talk to someone - when you are swamped, confide in a friend, your partner or a therapist what you're going through. It can help to ease the pressure and make you feel less alone.
• Remember your hobbies - keep doing the pursuits that made you feel like you before becoming a parent. This might be going for a run, seeing friends or a favourite hobby.
• Look after the physical health - nutritious food, staying active and where possible, sleep, all play a role in how your mind is coping.
• Meet other parents in the same boat - listening to their journeys, the challenges, along with the joys, can help to normalise how you're experiencing things.
• Understand that requesting help is not failure - looking after yourself is the optimal method you can look after your loved ones.

When his father later died by suicide, Stephen expectedly found it hard to accept the passing, having not spoken to him for a long time.

In his current role as a parent, Stephen's determined not to "perpetuate the cycle" with his own son and instead give the security and emotional guidance he did not receive.

When his son threatens to have a tantrum, for example, they try "releasing the emotion" together - managing the feelings constructively.

The two men Ryan and Stephen state they have become better, healthier men due to the fact that they acknowledged their issues, altered how they communicate, and learned to manage themselves for their kids.

"I'm better… sitting with things and managing things," explains Stephen.

"I put that down in a message to Leo recently," Ryan says. "I said, sometimes I think my purpose is to instruct and tell you what to do, but actually, it's a exchange. I am discovering just as much as you are through this experience."